I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
