I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
