I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
