No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
