i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
