just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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