I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
