just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i love accidental penises.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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