the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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