The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
