Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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