Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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