What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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