the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
