Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize