Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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