he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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