I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Randomize
