So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
