Who wears a wallet chain?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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