he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
