so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
