I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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