i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so let's talk penis.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
