I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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