i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
