Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
