Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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