hell yes lets make some ravioli
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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