my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
