The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
