his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
