last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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