I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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