I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
