Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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