So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
