It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
