I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
