MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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