she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
honey bunches of taint.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
