I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will be naked everywhere
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
