community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
