i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
