There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
