Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
