So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
