who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
