I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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