you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
