Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
