Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
