I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
