I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
