So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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