just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Someone came in the potted fern
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
