You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
