if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
