just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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