So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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