So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
third nipple confirmed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
