we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
