i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize