Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
