I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
