Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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