Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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