I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
