Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
