areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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