I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
