I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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