Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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