why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
