Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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