hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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