I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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