she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
