You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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