you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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