i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
