i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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