he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
