I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
